My mother just called me… [TW fatphobia/shame/dieting]
My mother just called me to tell me she’s sorry she couldn’t make me lose weight when I was younger. She said, “You just went through so much pain being bullied. I wish I could have paid for surgery or something.”
This is because she was watching an episode of The Biggest Loser. She saw some guy talking to a high school about how horrible being fat was, and how he’s finally deserving of love because he’s not 450lbs anymore. The camera panned to a young fat boy. He was crying. I guess my mother saw me as that fat boy. But what she didn’t consider is that maybe those tears are the tears of anger. Maybe he’s crying because he’s pissed. Because feels he’s worthy of love, but everyone else is telling him he’s not. Maybe he’s crying because he’s embarrassed. Because all he wants to do is run out of that gymnasium so the camera won’t pan at him again. Because he’s sick of being made to feel like he’s less than, simply because he weighs more.
If that’s the case, then yes, I was that boy.
I wasn’t a miserable 13 year old because I was fat.
I was a miserable 13 year old because people treated me like garbage. I was a miserable 13 year old because my mother made me take pills and drink shakes, instead of eating meals. I was a miserable 13 year old because my brother projected his insecurities into me. I was a miserable 13 year old because no one would listen to me when I asked them to just see me as me, not the size of my JNCOs.
I was a miserable 13 year old because we haven’t yet taught our children how to respect other people. The world is full of nasty people because we haven’t stood up and said loudly enough: IT’S NOT OKAY TO TREAT PEOPLE LIKE GARBAGE.
I didn’t need a mother willing to put me under the knife to spare my feelings. I needed a mother willing to understand my feelings. I needed a mother who loved me for who I am; not one who loved me when I attended Weight Watchers with her.
You are worthy. I promise you. You are worthy.
There are some absolutely awful Biggest Loser ads on TV here at the moment centering on “I am ready to be loved”, meaning “I am ready to lose weight because no one could possibly love me at this size/I couldn’t possibly fall in love” and it makes me the opposite of happy, so a GIANT GIANT THIIIIS to the above.
THOSE WORDS YO